Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
