I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
