well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
