I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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