Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize