I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
