he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
