i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
