There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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