You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
