that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
