I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
