To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize