I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize