i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
