I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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