somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
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