the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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