Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
