My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
