The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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