pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
