Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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