I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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