Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
