Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
i've created a new STD.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
