i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
