I hope mine doesn't look like that
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
You left your phone here
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