Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
