I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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