goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
