She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
