I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Girls should come with a carfax report
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
