Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
