You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize