Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Randomize
