Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
