my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
