How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
