Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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