My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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