i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize