I murdered the dance floor call the cops
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
