he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
