did you get engaged???
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
