4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
