Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
