I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
