id be glad to
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
