I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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