Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
