jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
