Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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