woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
pray to the hookup gods
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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