They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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