My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
