i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize