It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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