Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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