Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
