he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
