and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
