so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
