Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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