Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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