Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Randomize
