I forgot how hot balto sounded
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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