Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
