I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
