What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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