I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
